Dear Abby | The recording may be worth more than a thousand words

DEAR ABBY: I have some advice for your readers who are writing regarding issues related to how others misbehave or are verbally abusive or inappropriate towards them. Hope this helps someone.

I suggest recording a video of the offending individual while this is happening, then showing them the video later when they are calm/sober/responsive. If the behavior is due to drugs or alcohol, it can show the person that they are not fun or funny; they are hateful and offensive. I’m sure I would have stopped drinking years ago if I could have seen how I acted when drunk.

This advice might also work with a loved one you are concerned about with dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. You can show the video to his doctor rather than making generalizations about his behavior. Telling your husband to talk to his mother about how she is critical or rude to you puts your husband in the hot seat, and it’s still a she-said/she-said situation. Maybe your mother-in-law has no idea what she looks like. But she should do it. If a picture is worth a thousand words, a video is worth even more.

GOTCHA IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GOTCHA: I am printing your letter because I believe that in some cases it has merit. However, filming someone who is in the middle of a rant (or other socially unacceptable activity) could cause some people to become violent. (Stop filming me!!!) This is why I must add that if one chooses to do this, one must be aware of the risk.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 35 year old woman, married to a 27 year old man. We currently live in the same house as his mother. She lives downstairs; we live upstairs. Thanks to my husband’s upbringing, he has a trigger temper. His father has an explosive character and his mother is narcissistic. He never speaks to me, but his mother makes him angry.

Sometimes I think she does it on purpose because she has some sort of victim complex. I tried everything to help him control his temper; nothing worked. It became normal for me to end the day with them fighting. I’m exhausted by them. If they come home before I go to work, they will get into some sort of argument. When I finish my work day, I will call and hear them arguing on the phone.

I’m tired of fighting. It creates so much anxiety and depression. I told him this and asked him to at least try to stop, but it’s always the same. What should I do?

SURROUNDED BY WAR IN TEXAS

DEAR ENVIRONMENT: You are more mature than your husband, both emotionally and chronologically. He’s still under his mother’s thumb, which is why she’s so good at pushing his buttons. It’s time for both of you to get as far away from his mother’s home as possible. If you do this, he will be less exposed to his mother and you will be able to have peace under your roof (once you unplug the phone).