Dear Abby,
I was recently diagnosed with a chronic illness. I’m only 40 years old and I’ve always taken it for granted that I still have a lot of life left to live. I am happily married, but I worry because my husband, “Al,” has become my guardian. I feel bad about this.
My condition is very limiting. I’m in pain all the time and may have to stop working altogether. I developed depression and often cried at home. I feel so guilty, like I ruined his life. Al swears he just wants to be with me no matter what we have to go through. I’m just not sure I can handle holding him for the rest of his life. I love him so much. What should I do?
Changed to Texas
Please allow me to offer you my sympathy for your diagnosis. Having a painful and life-threatening health problem at such a young age would depress anyone. Please stop blaming yourself for needing your husband’s help. He loves you and has assured you that he “just wants to be with you no matter what.”
It is important that you discuss your depression and guilt with your doctor. You may need counseling, medication, and perhaps a support group to help you with the life adjustments that may lie ahead. Please muster up your resolve to combat these negative emotions and seek the help you need. It’s there, and once you do, you’ll realize you have a whole team ready to help you get through this.
Dear Abby,
I’m part of a book club that I started with friends 13 years ago. The 12 of us have become close and value, appreciate and respect each other. I recently invited a childhood friend to join me. She is an avid reader.
Abby, even though she’s a nice person, she just doesn’t fit in with the group. She talks too much, tends to brag a lot, and makes insensitive comments. An example: Two of us are going on a cruise soon, and she talked about how she thought those trips were cheesy and claustrophobic. The rest of the group was appalled and I feel horrible for introducing her into my long-standing book club.
On the other hand, I can’t imagine telling my childhood friend that the group would prefer if she didn’t participate. I’m sure it would be hurtful. A few of us are hoping you have a solution. Please help me.
Read the room
What if we were completely honest? Tell your childhood friend that if she wants to remain a member of the book club, she will need to brag, talk less, and refrain from making insensitive comments. If she asks what you mean by that, repeat the example you shared with me.
P.S. While I can understand why the two of you going on a cruise might have been shocked and silenced, it would have been better if these two had spoken out and confronted your friend on why she would have suggested something so negative.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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